rantings of a single girl

I wouldn't say that I am pro-traditional gender roles (I voted 50/50) but I would prefer that to reversing them. I like to be taken care of (when needed) and the idea of being a full-time stay-at-home mom doesn't bother me, although I would probably go stir crazy and try to work from home. Also I can't be in a relationship with someone who can't fix things around the house because I certainly can't fix the hot tub and I've never mowed a lawn in my life. But I certainly don't mind sharing the load, as I am perfectly capable of taking out the trash and men are capable of doing the dishes!

The idea of being a stay-at-home mom doesn't bother me either... but like you, I'd probably go stir crazy. Especially once the kids were old enough to go to school.

I think 50/50 is a good thing. You do what you are good at in the relationship, but you aren't afraid to help out. Good stuff.

I said I care nothing, and they should be reversed.

I don't want to be a stay-at-home-mom, I'd rather my husband have that job and I be the primary breadwinner for my family. Much to my luck (and great amusement) many of my male friends & the boyfriend included, want this. Surprisingly (or maybe not so much) many of my female friends want this arrangement as well.

I wonder if when I enter my thirties, the mothers will be in the office and the fathers at the playground with the children? It really seems that's what my age group wants, but this might just be my social circle.

As for fixing things around the house.. I don't know, I'll just pay someone to do it. I don't know how to do and nothing's broken here for the bf to showcase his skills, so for all I know he can't fix anything either. In any case, I'm still for hiring someone for the job. I generally find that easier..

Yesterday I was yelling (at no one in particular, just in frustration) that I'm going to make our future-nanny do the laundry. I'll pay her whatever, $25/load, just so long as I don't have to do it. I HATE SORTING. I HATE FOLDING. omigod let it be someone else's job in my household!!!

Hi, it's funny you said that, I've noticed in our town there are a lot of daddies who take their children around town during the workday, so I kind of assume they're playing the stay-at-home-dad.

hithatsmybike - I'm glad you have someone who wants to do the reverse roles with you. I mean, ultimately, that's what it is all about: what works for each couple. I just believe in partnership, I guess. But like I said to Veka, I wouldn't mind being a stay-at-home mom in the least. And I don't mind laundry. It's doing dishes that I hate. I will never, ever rent or buy a house that doesn't have a dishwasher. Never.

syako - I often wonder if that has to do with geography sometimes. I just don't see many Southern men staying home. Men are suppsoed to be macho and manly breadwinners down here, you know.

haha I have no dishwasher, so maybe that contributes to my house-hate.

You're right, it's totally about what each couple wants for themselves. I think I could accommodate a man that didn't want to be at home (I would reduce my workload to part-time and increase the nanny to full-time), but I definitely could not deal with one that expected me to be at home.

The boyfriend & I have talked about it casually, and we've entertained the possibility that I might change my mind and want to stay home once I have children. He's supportive of that also, so it's nice to have that flexibility there.

I know! I never saw that in Louisiana, that's for sure. But here in Maryland, it seems they're a-ok with being less macho.

Def. should be 50/50

Nope, I am not a traditional gender roles kind of woman. I am worth more than just being my husband's chef, maid, and receptacle. I can do more than raise children. I can do many things, and in fact, I can do many things that are "male" better than male's can. I can change my tires, winterize boats, fix computers, appliances and just about anything around the house. I have cut wood, built things, etc. My husband can sure as hell change a diaper, put his shit away, cook for his own damn self.

I just want to do what I want when I want to. If I don't want to cook -- he can. I'm not his mommy. If I need to have my car washed, I'll get up and do it instead of asking him. Right now in my relationship, I pull my weight. I am not a helpless puppy, I can do what the boys do. He is a big boy and can do what the women do.

I like traditional roles. I want a husband that is head of the household, he is the "voice" of the family, we make decisions together but I like to defer to him to be the spokesperson.

I don't like the idea of cooking cleanin,g or changing diapers (yuck!). I do, love making money, though ( i make a decent salary, although i'm still in college). I wouldn't mind if the roles were reversed. If my husband wanted things to be 50/50, we'd have to get a maid.

I think it's whatever works for an individual. There shouldn't be a set way for all people. But personally I'm probably 50/50 leaning a bit towards traditional just because I tend to want to cook and clean my own home if only because I want it done right. lol. But I would want help and respect. I could never be with a man that said it wasn't his job to do any of that stuff and refused to pitch in. Or if he thought I had to be girly all of the time. That's pretty ignorant. And I think if I never made any money on my own I'd feel too dependent on someone else.
To me there isn't anything wrong with a guy staying home with the kids, but I would just feel like I was missing out on so much as a mom to do it that way.

I don't care about traditional roles at all. I absolutely hate housework, so I expect a man to do at least half. Not "helping", but doing as much as I do, because he sure wouldn't hate it more than me. I think it's only fair. Obviously I wouldn't expect him to do the traditional male tasks just because he's a man either... In my opinion what matters when deciding who does who is the individuals involved, and not preconceived ideas about who should do what.

I like splitting the roles, although since my husband lost his job 6 months ago, he's picked up way more of the household chores.

In our house, should I ever get pregnant and we have a kid, he'll stay home with the child while I work since I am the "breadwinner" between the two of us.

I'm also way more handy at fixing things than he is but he's slowly learning so that he doesn't have to call me home from work if something goes wrong (such as our basement flooding, haha).

I don't care about traditional roles but I'm not going to actively try and make sure I don't conform.

Depends on the couple...whatever works for you is what you should go with!

to say that being a housewife is demeaning is an insult to stay at home mothers and i dont agree with that. Im open minded to a lot of things, if it came down to me being the breadwinner of the household,i wouldnt care but men work differently, they need to know they are needed so i would want my husband to at least hold a job of some sort. also 50/50 is more of a partnership so i like that. I would go crazy if i had to be a housewife, all day in the house, there would have to be a middle ground for this i would need a job and then cook and my husband do the cleaning.

I think that when a woman's the housewife and the husband is the "breadwinner" it is split 50/50. Someone's got to earn money, and someone's got to make sure that the house is run well. To say that either is doing more work is not only insulting, it's incorrect. Most housewives I know do the same amount of work as their husbands. Also, their husbands are never like, "Oh, the money's mine, because I work." They seem to get that their wives are doing equal work.

I'm sorry, but I could never marry a man who wanted to stay home with the kids if we had them. I'd feeI like it was my job. However, I feel like marriages where one works and one stays home is a marriage where things are split 50/50, so while Tres defines that as traditional, I define it as evenly split.

We split things 50/50. This is a partnership. He helps with the chores and our kids. We vibe well that way.

I'm a stay at home mother, and I work harder and am more fulfilled and happy than I've ever been in any other job. My husband helps me when I need help and absolutely recognizes and appreciates my contribution to our family. I may not be earning money, but what I do absolutely helps make our family run. I don't really think of it as 50/50 - I kind of think of it as 100/100. My husband and I are standing side by side, both of us giving it everything we've got. When my kids are bigger, I may find something to do outside the home, if that's what feels right for our family.

My husband and I are able to exchange responsibilities. There is no exact count on the splitting of responsibilities. We do things together or alone as we see them come. Being self-sufficient is important because let's face it. Your partner may not always be there i.e. illness, divorce, death, etc...

I don't mind traditional gender roles (I usually take on more of the 'female' responsibilities anyway), I just don't want to feel confined to that role.

When you're on your own you have to fulfill every role anyway.

"As much as I like cooking and being in the kitchen, I don't like being expected to be there. "

I read this line and I knew that we have the same mindset.

Even now, when my mum asks me to cook dinner, I'll do it, but I resent the fact that I am expected to, like it's my job to, and to clean up too, even when my sis did not help out with anything.

Good post!

i have no problem doing the 'girly' things and the hubby doing the 'manly' things. But if one of us needs help, neither one of us cares, we just do it. So I am for traditional roles with a little help

I'm with Pistil: "I don't mind traditional gender roles (I usually take on more of the 'female' responsibilities anyway), I just don't want to feel confined to that role.
When you're on your own you have to fulfill every role anyway." Life changes, so who takes what role should might change back and forth anyway. Right now I live in my house alone, so I'm in both roles!

I'd say its 50/50 for us. Yes, I do things like cook and make the grocery list. He manages our investments and puts together furniture. But we enjoy doing our respective tasks.

Our personalities and how we interact is more or less the role reversal in our relationship. When we have a disagreement, I run to my "cave" and he wants to talk it out.

Its a good balance. I wouldn't change it for the world.

I'm with Ali321. I think it depends on the individual. Some women are comfortable with traditional gender roles due to their personalities and nature, and some are not. Those who are not may re-invent their role to their liking.

Personally, for the most part, I am comfortable with traditional gender roles. Again, this is because of my personality and nature. Likewise, my husband is comfortable with his traditional gender role. That's why we're compatible with each other.

defo 50/50! share the money responsibility and share the cooking and nurturing of the kids.
but i kno women that like being the "housewife" and fitting that stereotype. Even the other day, & my boyfriend & i were stopped on the road for directions, and the guy would look me in the eye, because as a woman, I am below him...WTF!!!! A lot of people for religious/cultural reasons still have that mentality that the woman belongs in the kitchen...BS...look @ jamie oliver, gordon ramsay

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I agree with sharing gender roles. I like men to be "men," but there's nothing sexier than a man in the kitchen. Likewise, I like learning how to be a handyman. You never know when you'll be without a man to fix your sink or change your tires. Gotta learn to do it for yourself!

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I'm not much for traditional roles. When the Bf and I move in together things will work out for the best.

I don't have a green thumb, he does
I burn eggs, he makes bitchen spaghetti
I can tolerate most everything, he has little patience for douchebags

Considering our majors he will probably be the breadwinner so if there were kids I would probably have to stay and work from home (freelance) I don't think it is demeaning as I am pretty sure that he would make a kickass dad. But someones gotta go make the big bucks

I have been married for 12 years and I would never marry a man who wanted to stay home and do the cleaning and take care of the kids. I want a MAN, not a maid. Sure he will help out when he's home and he loves to play with the kids (coaches all their teams and takes them to the father/son dad/daughter activities), but I am responsible for the house and he is the breadwinner. I don't think its demeaning for me to stay home while he goes to the office, we both work (me with the kids and him at the office). Its demeaning for people to not recognize the value stay at home moms bring to the table. He talks to me about big decisions before they are made. I think we compliment each other and we both are better for it.