I found this Dear Prudie letter and it really made my blood boil. The gentleman who writes the letter (and you can read the whole thing here) has been dating his girlfriend for four years. In those four years, he's been lying to her about the fact that he graduated from college. When she introduced him to her friend that actually went to said college, he just kept the charade up. He says he is too embarrassed by the fact that he didn't graduate so he told the lie. And now after four years he wants to come clean. Or should he?
I give you Prudie's answer:
"I agree you've made a mistake, but at least you haven't been practicing medicine or flying an airplane without any training a la Frank Abagnale in Catch Me If You Can. And it's impressive you've been able to keep up the patter about your "alma mater" for four years without getting caught. However, you need to tell your girlfriend. You owe her the truth, and you would want to start your marriage without this lie gnawing at you. It's important, however, to deliver the news in the right way. I suggest you take her out for dinner and make sure you get a booth in the corner. Tell her there's something about yourself you need to confess. Say you hope she can forgive you because you love her and this lie has been making you sick. The beauty of this introduction is that the things that will be running through her head will be along the lines of: "He's HIV positive; he's married; he's impregnated a colleague; he's a murderer; he's a woman." Then, when you tell her, she will be shaken up, but she'll also be relieved. Assure her there are no other confessions you need to make. Explain you blurted out this stupid lie because when you met, you were intimidated by her accomplishments. Say you've regretted it ever since, and your regret has been compounded by letting this go so long. If she gets angry and accusatory, don't make excuses. Just tell her you understand her sense of betrayal but that you hope more than anything that this won't change your relationship, because she's the most important thing in your life."
You know, if this was my boyfriend of four years, I'm not sure I'd take this very lightly. I don't care if a guy has gone to college or not gone to college, but I do care if he lies. I can't believe this guy has been lying for four years and getting away with it! You would think at some point he would have said something that made her or her friend who actually went to that college think twice.
As far as Prudie's advice goes, "Then, when you tell her, she will be shaken up, but she'll also be relieved" is just horse hockey. I would be pissed. Flat out pissed. If a guy started saying something like "I hope you can forgive me because I love her and this lie has been making me sick," sure I'd have a million things running through my head. The longer he drug it out, the madder and more stressed I would get over it. Yet when I heard what he had to say, I'd think "He's been lying to me for years!" I think I would eventually calm down and be able to talk rationally about it, but our relationship would be on thin ice for a while. (Hey, I'm just being honest here.)
I think Prudie's advice in this situation is misleading this guy that everything will be a-okay once he confesses. Maybe Prudie thinks that by confessing in public, the girlfriend's wrath wouldn't be as bad. Personally, I think this is something that needs to be discussed at home. In private. Sure he should say he's lied and he's sorry. Sure he should explain why, but making the girl think it could be a million other things? Please don't. Get it over with. Rip the Band-Aid off.
Yes, this guy needs to 'fess up. Yes, she's going to be mad that he's been lying to her for years. Yes, his relationship may very well be over. But Prudie's advice on dropping the bomb? Fail.
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