I spent Friday night hanging with a group of friends that I adore. Three things are guaranteed when I hang out with them: great conversation, a fantastic time, and entirely too much alcohol. Yet, when you put the seven of us together, we manage to solve all of the world's problems. So after a wonderful dinner, we sat around the living room talking, drinking, and playing video games. At one point, David* confessed that he we becoming smothered by his new girlfriend and was afraid he was going to have to end it. No big surprise to the rest of us. David is a sweet and funny guy, but he goes through women like water. His longest relationship is four months.
David's confession got us talking about the subject of relationships and trying to answer certain questions. Although we still don't have the answers to the questions, we did have a pretty good discussion. Take two single guys, one single girl, and two married couples and you get some pretty interesting answers. (Please remember vast quantities of alcohol were involved.)
When does a relationship go from being short term to long term?
For David, anything over four months is a long term relationship. For Matt*, the other single male, his longest relationship was a year. What he calls his shortest relationship was six months. For myself, my longest was a little over a year and shortest was six months. Our answers didn't prove anything. Is six months and over considered long term? Or is it different for every person?
When does dating become a relationship?
This question was discussed on a friend's blog a last week, which is what caused me to bring the question into play. This one we were able to answer pretty easily. It depends on the people in the relationship and the commitment they want to make to each other. The consensus Friday night was that once you are 'exclusive' then you are in a relationship.
When does having sex with someone become 'making love'?
While the round table managed to agree that there is a difference between 'just sex' and 'meaningful sex', we still couldn't determine when you cross the line. Possibly after those three little words are spoken? Maybe before? Or is every person just different?
When does someone go from being 'just a date' to 'The One'?
Peter* and Connie* have been married for 5 years now. They dated on and off for 3 years before they got married. Peter says he knew the moment he met Connie they would get married. Connie on the other hand never saw herself marrying Peter (hence the on and off dating). Finally after their fourth time of getting back together, Connie realized that Peter really was The One. Peter said he just knew she would come around in her own time. But how did they know? They still couldn't answer that question with any thing other than they just knew.
How do you know you're in love?
According to the second married couple, Tim* and Ginger*, it's a lot like knowing someone is The One. You just know. Ginger had surgery when she was dating Tim. Nothing major, but she said Tim went to the hospital with her and stayed with her the whole time despite the face the was without make-up, in the hospital, and constantly whining because of the pain. She said that was the day she fell in love with him. Tim wouldn't tell us his 'I fell in love with Ginger' story, but he agreed that he just knew. (Again with the knowing...)
Basically, our discussions proved fruitless. Are these are unanswerable questions? Some things that we will never know, but get to experience the mystery of? My round table will probably tackle these questions again some Friday night. Something tells me instead of looking for answers, we just should hang on and enjoy the ride.
*Names have been changed
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