rantings of a single girl

The Rock (or The Bastard as I am calling him these days) called.  And called.  And emailed.  And texted.  And sent flowers to my job.

I've ignored it all.  I even had the flowers sent to the hospital and asked them to give them to someone who doesn't get a lot of visitors or doesn't have family.  I don't want to hear it from him.  Fuck him.

Unfortunately, he showed up at my house this afternoon.  Not much I could do.  Well, I could have shot him, but I really didn't want to explain that to the cops.  Anyway.  He said I didn't understand.  He and his wife aren't happy.  They haven't been for a few years now (wah, wah wah).  They've only stayed together because people expect them to (whatever).  He really clicked with me and has been wanting to tell me.  But he didn't know how I'd take it (how the hell was I supposed to take it???)

Then he said this: "It's just... well... not only did we click, but I knew no one would suspect anything if I was with you."

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN???

I turned around, walked in the house, and closed the door.  In.  His.  Face.

Fuck him.  Fuck him for making me feel happy.  And cared about.  And for making me hate myself.  And for making me doubt myself.

Now that I've written this post and reviewed it, I realize I use a lot of foul language.  I apologize.  I'm just angry at the moment.

I was going to try to post something happy, positive, and upbeat today, but I just don't have it in me.  While I did get some sleep last night, my mood has not improved much since Wednesday night.  I do first want to say thank you.  Everyone has been so supportive, and I really do appreciate it.  It's helped me stay sane... and not try to go stab people.

I spent most of last night wondering why someone would do that to their spouse.  I know marriages fail every day.  I understand that.  What I don't understand is cheating on your spouse (or significant other for that matter).  If you are so unhappy in your relationship that you need to sleep with other people, then get out of the relationship.  Don't add betrayal to an already crappy situation.  Sure, breaking-up and divorce is a horrible and hard thing to do, but saying, "By the way, I couldn't keep it in my pants because I hate you so much" is just adding insult to injury.  I don't understand why people do it.  This isn't just men.  Women do it, too.  And I still don't get it.

I don't know how I misread The Rock.  I wonder how many other women have been strung along in his game.  Or if I'm the first gullible woman.  I wonder if his wife realizes that the man she married isn't the man she thinks he is.  Oh, and for those of you who wondered how she couldn't notice all the time away, she's on the road a lot.  I recognized her at the restaurant that night.  She is a physician as well.  A rather prominent one.  She spends a lot of time on the road and in the news.  While she is on the road, her husband was dating me.  And God only knows who else.

FML

That about sums everything up.  I'm so mad right now that I could spit nails.  I should have seen this coming!  Hell, I've been down a road similar to this before.  And I still didn't see it.  A few people told me to tread carefully.  I even told myself to proceed with caution!  Instead, I just let myself be taken along for the ride!

I went out last night with Kevin and Lauren (Mark couldn't make it).  We were sitting there enjoying our dinner when I look across the restaurant an see The Rock.  I started to get excited and just as I got ready to point him out to my dinner companions, I realized he was with another woman.  I didn't think anything of it at first because I thought it could be a colleague, a friend, or his sister.  Or even a date... not like we were exclusive (even though I had been secretly hoping that is what he wanted to talk to me about this weekend).  Plus, Kevin was sitting on my side of the booth, which could have been taken a million different ways.

Then I saw it.

A tiny flash of gold on his left ring finger.

I just sat back and drew in a quick breath and tried not to cry.  I also tried not to pick up my steak knife and go stab him.  Kevin and Lauren were really confused and trying to figure out what was going on.  I told them who the guy across the room was and why I was so mad.  Much to my confusion, Kevin called the waiter over.  The genius that Kevin is had their wine glasses refilled compliments of us.  When the waiter delivered the drinks and pointed us out, Kevin, Lauren, and I were smiling serenely.  The Rock's face was priceless.  Then I saw him trying to explain why the people at that table would be sending them drinks.  I don't know what he said, and I don't care.

He's wife got up at some point and went to the bathroom and The Rock was immediately at our table.  His first words were, "It's not what you think."  I just look him dead in the eye and told him to go to hell.  Kevin, Lauren, and I then got up from the table.  Kevin smiled at him sweetly and said, "Thanks for dinner by the way.  It's so sweet of you to pick up our tab."  We drove home in silence.  I had met them at Lauren's house and neither Kevin or Lauren was comfortable with me driving home alone.  Since it was just a 10 minute drive I knew I'd be okay.  They let me go as long as I promised to call if I needed anything.

I made it home, walked in the door, and lost it.

Reason for Hyperventilating: I've been sleeping with a married man!  I want to cry.  That's just way, way up there on my list of things not to do.  And I did it!  Although I didn't know I was at the time, so I take a little comfort there.  But it boils down to this: I slept with a married man!

Reason for Head Bashing: How could I have missed the signs?  His profile picture seemed extremely old and almost didn't look like him.  He never wanted to go to his place, always mine.  He always had last minute cancellations.  He always 'worked' late.  He only texted me during the day and called at night.  Usually later in the evening that most people would consider an appropriate time to call someone.  I've been cheated on before.  I know the signs to when someone is messing around.  I'm such an idiot!

Reason I Could Be A Real Bitch If I Wanted: I could tell his wife.  I could find her pretty easily and tell her about his adulterous ways.  Would that be too much?  Would she even believe me?  Does she already know and ignore it?  Part of me wants payback.  The other part of me can't stand to wreck a home.  What if he has kids?  Oh shit.

I keep finding these random Glamour articles on MSN. While most of them make me laugh, this one really got me thinking. What does count as cheating? We have so many ways of communicating these days that sometimes cheating isn't always as black and white as we think.  So I'd like to see what my wonderful readers say about this little Glamour poll.  I've added my two cents (cause it's my blog!) and feel free to add yours!

1. Is it cheating if the relationship isn't official?
"When I was in college, I dated a guy for two years who said he wasn't comfortable with the 'boyfriend' label. Among friends, I called him my 'significant other,' but when I was with him, I just went with the flow and assumed we were exclusive. He was the first guy I slept with, the first I brought home to my parents, the one I spent every holiday and birthday with. Then he started fooling around with my best friend's roommate, and a month later they were a couple. I confronted him, and he said he didn't think we were officially 'together,' so it wasn't cheating. He also felt justified because she and I weren't close friends! Everybody knew but me — that's what hurt the most."

Survey says...
Yes: 75%
No: 25%

I'm with the crowd on this one.  Definitely cheating.

2. Is it cheating to go on a "pseudodate"?
"Once, I was seated next to a handsome stranger on a plane. He'd been bumped from first class, where he usually sat, which is why he was flying coach. Turned out he was a famous agent, owned a fabulous art collection, was smart and funny, and, to top it all off, he was single. (I'd been dating someone for five years.) When we landed, he asked for my number and called me at my hotel that very night, inviting me to a private party for one of my favorite actors. As we worked the room, I pictured the fabulous life I could have with him: I'd be rich and connected. I'd be taken care of, for once (my boyfriend is a musician). But in the end, I felt too guilty to continue the 'relationship,' and stopped returning his calls."

Survey says...
Yes: 45%
No: 55%

I honestly need more information on this one.  If she just went to the party of a cute, rich, single guy for the sake of going (curiosity of how the other half lives), then no harm.  If she went to the party of the cute, rich, single guy with the intention of something happening, then yes.

More cheating scenarios after the jump!

You know how when you run into an ex, you always think in your head that you'll be adult about it.  Just be able to strike up a civil conversation, ask how they are doing, and walk away remember exactly why it's a good thing you broke up?  The reality of it (for me anyway) is not even remotely close to that.  I ran.  Like a chicken about to meet its demise.

I was grocery shopping last night when I rounded the corner to the dairy case and bam.  There he was.  My ex.  And not just any ex.  The we-spent-a-year-together-and-I-thought-he-was-the-ONE-ex.  I thought he was the one right up until the point that I caught him in bed with his ex.  First thing that popped into my head was RUN!  So I did.  Right over into the baby clothes where I could peep at him until he went away.  (I needed to get my milk, damn it!)  The bastard hasn't changed.  One bit.  Still looks just as good.  Then my brain jumps track to figure out why he is in MY grocery store.  His home town is 150 miles south of here.  And he has no ties to my town.  As I am trivializing this in my head, I realize there is a woman with him.  The hair is shorter, darker, and the face is a little fuller, but yep that was the same woman I caught him in bed with.  (At least my suspicions that she was a bottle blonde were confirmed.)  Then I remember she is from my town.  So my ex is living in my town now?  Yikes.  To make matters worse, I realized why her face was fuller.  She's pregnant.  Almost ready to pop pregnant.  Kind of ironic that I was standing in the baby clothes now that I think about it.

This was the guy who I dated for a year.  The guy I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  I should have seen the little signs though.  He never wanted me to come to his place without calling.  We never stayed over at his place... always mine.  He never wanted me to leave things at his place, but he didn't mind leaving junk over at mine.  Looking back, if I had really been looking, I probably would have caught him with his ex a lot sooner.  So why did seeing them together last night, looking happy, and expecting a baby make me break my diet and run to the freezer case for a pint of Ben and Jerry's? 

Oh, and I never did get a gallon of milk either.