rantings of a single girl

I have this guy friend (not Mark) who has always been a little overprotective.  Or maybe controlling is a better word.  Anyway, we've been off and on friends for years now.  Usually we'll get on each other's nerves and the won't speak to each other for quite a while.  I acknowledge it's a pretty volatile relationship, but he has helped me out of some sticky spots before.  I know he usually means well, but sometimes it can really get on my nerves.  Like yesterday.

He sent me a text around 5:00 PM saying he wanted to come and take me out to dinner on Wednesday night since he was busy on my b-day.  I sent one back saying that was sweet, but I had plans for Wednesday night already.  So instead of asking me when another night would be good, he immediately wants to know what I'm doing and with who.  So I called him because I wasn't about to start an argument over text messaging.

I told him that I was going out with some coworkers, but it was really none of his business what I was doing that night.  The fact that I'm busy should be enough.  He said he was just trying to look out for me, to which I replied I'd been doing fine for 27 years.  Then he wants to know if it's a date or a girl's night out.  I tell him it's just a bunch of coworkers going out.

He wants to know if there are guys going.  Well, yeah... I work with guys, too.  So then he looses his shit.  Seriously.

He starts lecturing me about being careful while going out and that I don't need to be drinking around my coworkers.  And yadda, yadda, yadda.  I asked him if he treated his girlfriends the way he treated me sometimes.  He doesn't say anything.  Then I further threw in the barb by saying, well maybe that's why you can't keep one.  (We've had this argument before.)

He hung up on me.  Which I expected.  So I texted him and said, "So I guess this means no birthday dinner?"  I haven't heard a peep out of him.

So goes our relationship... back and forth.  The thing is, I can't get him to understand how controlling he can be sometimes.  He'll even ask me what he's doing wrong with women.  He thinks it's just harmless protection of women.  I tell him it's controlling and almost dangerous... especially when he's been drinking.  He won't get help and I don't know how to help him.

But I wish I could.

I had a wonderful weekend.  I had so much fun hanging out with my best friend.  We caught up on the girl talk.  We went shopping.  We got all dolled up and had a Girl's Night Out.  It was a blast.  Until I had to take her to the airport yesterday.

I forgot how much I love having my best friend around.  How nice it is to have a female to talk to instead of my guy friends. 

I had worried that the dynamics of our relationship would change once she got married.  But really, they haven't.  And I've been pleasantly surprised by that fact.  Yes, I listen to her talk about the ups and downs of marriage, but if I was in a steady relationship, she'd have to listen to me talk about that. 

Our friendship has made it over the marriage hurdle.  And the 'we live too damn far apart' hurdle.  But now she's all-consumed with baby fever.  They are trying to get pregnant.  Which is wonderful.  She and her husband will be good parents.  I just wonder how our friendship will change.  (Yes, I'm being a wee bit selfish.)

They say a baby changes everything.  So does it change your long distance friendship with your single friend?  I can't help but wonder.

I'm such a pessimist sometimes.

PS - If you haven't checked out the 'What I'm Reading' section on the right, you should.  I've been doing a lot of reading lately!

Last night I was supposed to meet Mr. Enigmatic for drinks, but he sent me a text around lunch saying he wouldn't be able to make it.  He said everything was okay, but it had been a really long and bad weekend so he just wanted to crash at home.  So we rescheduled for Wednesday night.  Since I was all keyed up to go out, I called Mark to see if he might want to do something last minute.  He was game.

We went to a restaurant that has a nice bar, secured a booth (which isn't too hard on a Monday night), and ordered some drinks.  We had ordered an appetizer to split while we drank and chatted.  Suddenly Mark leans over the table and starts wiping my cheek.  I started swatting him away because it hurt.  He said, "Well, you've got something on your face and it won't come off" to which I retorted with, "Well maybe it's not meant to come off."  So I was curious and sulked off to the bathroom to see what was on my face.  You guessed it... a lovely zit had popped up between the end of work (when I last checked my makeup) and meeting Mark for drinks.  And me without concealer... sigh.

I went back to the table and said, "It's a zit, genius.  Not food."  So he replies, "Well, I didn't know.  You just have something on your face.  I figured it was either food or a cancerous mass."  I just looked at him and said, "You know, you can really be an ass sometimes" to which he replied "Like you can't be?"  Apparently, we were talking a little louder than I thought because a couple sitting at the bar turned around and asked us how long we had been married.  Mark and I both gave our standard in unison answer that we aren't married.  The guy in the couple just laughed and said, "Just friends, huh?  We get it all the time too."

Next thing I know, they've joined us.  Their names were Kevin and Lauren.  Kevin, Lauren, Mark, and I sat around drinking, talking, and having a grand time until it was almost midnight.  (By the way, I'm too freaking old to be staying out and drinking until midnight.  Especially when I have to work the next day.)  The best part?  We've already made plans to meet up sometime in the next few weeks.  Which is nice because sometimes in this town it can be so hard to meet new people to hang out with.  (Oh, and before anyone even suggests something could happen between Kevin and I, you should know Kevin bats for the other team.)

And for once, I'm glad I had a zit because it wouldn't have lead to the conversation between Mark and I that lead to Kevin and Lauren overhearing us and then they wouldn't have joined us.  *breath*  Now if only the zit would go away.

I have so much to do that it's insane.  Work is very, very busy.  Which is strange because summer is supposed to be my slow season (winter being the busy season).  Not to mention that I'm doing a lot of day traveling for work too.  That really puts a crimp in my daily schedule.  So I'm in constant 'go' mode.  Go do this.  Go drive here.  Go meet these people.  Now don't get me wrong.  I love my job.  I love the company I work for.  It's just sometimes it can be a little stressful.  Okay, a lot of stressful.

There are also some changes going on in my family life.  My baby sister is all grown up and moving 600+ miles away.  So my family is making adjustments and prepping to move her out to Timbucktoo.  Okay, it's not really Timbucktoo, but this is my kid sister we are talking about.  I worry.  Plus, I'm gonna miss that punk.

Then we have my personal life which has suddenly taken off.  I have a tentative date with The Rock Friday night.  (I say tentative because things always seem subject to change with him.)  I'm meeting Mr. Enigmatic for drinks Monday night.  Mark is really wanting to get together and do something either this weekend or next week.  Plus, I'm talking to another guy from match.com who has said he wants to go out sometime.  He hasn't said when or agreed to any of my suggestions so I'm considering that one up in the air. 

I have no idea how socialites do it.  I'm tired from typing the above paragraph!  Hmmm... can someone make the room stop spinning?

Men.

The Rock sent me an embarrassingly beautiful bouquet of flowers yesterday as an apology for Friday night.  While I love flowers, I kind of wish he hadn't dropped that money on flowers.  One, having it sent to my work has made my co-workers incredibly nosey.  Two, it's a lot of money for something that will just die.  Three, I can't take the flowers home because my cat will try to eat them (and I think some of the lilies are poisonous to cats). 

Boy I sound ungrateful.  I'm not.  That's just the lack of sleep talking.

Still, while flowers are a nice "I'm sorry" sentiment, it's really going to come down to if he listened to what I said Friday night.  The fact that I'm not interested in dating a workaholic who can't change his stripes.  And if he is going to be late, then he needs to call or text.  He used up his last 'I'm running late with no call' card.  The next time, he'll go straight to jail, will not pass Go, and will not collect $200.  So the proof will be in the pudding so to speak.  To me, that's the best way he can say he's sorry instead of trying to make it up to me.

I'm also going to meet Mr. Enigmatic for drinks next Monday night.  I like that we are going to make an attempt at being friends.  I really think he could use one these days.  It's not that he doesn't have friends, but they've all known him since childhood and know the entire story of his past.  They lived it with him.  I'm an outsider.  In certain situations, it's almost nice to have someone who hasn't lived your life with you.

Finally, a good thing regarding men that made my day yesterday... I went to pick up my lunch at our local Japanese restaurant (sushi!!).  The guy at the counter was flirting with me.  Sometimes he flirts with me and sometimes he doesn't.  Apparently yesterday was a flirt day.  So for the first time, I decided to flirt back.  He got so flustered he couldn't properly ask me if I needed chopsticks or napkins.  Yep, it made my day.

I spent Friday night hanging with a group of friends that I adore.  Three things are guaranteed when I hang out with them: great conversation, a fantastic time, and entirely too much alcohol.  Yet, when you put the seven of us together, we manage to solve all of the world's problems.  So after a wonderful dinner, we sat around the living room talking, drinking, and playing video games.  At one point, David* confessed that he we becoming smothered by his new girlfriend and was afraid he was going to have to end it.  No big surprise to the rest of us.  David is a sweet and funny guy, but he goes through women like water.  His longest relationship is four months. 

David's confession got us talking about the subject of relationships and trying to answer certain questions.  Although we still don't have the answers to the questions, we did have a pretty good discussion.  Take two single guys, one single girl, and two married couples and you get some pretty interesting answers.  (Please remember vast quantities of alcohol were involved.)

When does a relationship go from being short term to long term?
For David, anything over four months is a long term relationship.  For Matt*, the other single male, his longest relationship was a year.  What he calls his shortest relationship was six months.  For myself, my longest was a little over a year and shortest was six months.  Our answers didn't prove anything.  Is six months and over considered long term?  Or is it different for every person? 

When does dating become a relationship?
This question was discussed on a friend's blog a last week, which is what caused me to bring the question into play.  This one we were able to answer pretty easily.  It depends on the people in the relationship and the commitment they want to make to each other.  The consensus Friday night was that once you are 'exclusive' then you are in a relationship.

When does having sex with someone become 'making love'?
While the round table managed to agree that there is a difference between 'just sex' and 'meaningful sex', we still couldn't determine when you cross the line.  Possibly after those three little words are spoken?  Maybe before?  Or is every person just different? 

When does someone go from being 'just a date' to 'The One'?
Peter* and Connie* have been married for 5 years now.  They dated on and off for 3 years before they got married.  Peter says he knew the moment he met Connie they would get married.  Connie on the other hand never saw herself marrying Peter (hence the on and off dating).  Finally after their fourth time of getting back together, Connie realized that Peter really was The One.  Peter said he just knew she would come around in her own time.  But how did they know?  They still couldn't answer that question with any thing other than they just knew. 

How do you know you're in love?
According to the second married couple, Tim* and Ginger*, it's a lot like knowing someone is The One.  You just know.  Ginger had surgery when she was dating Tim.  Nothing major, but she said Tim went to the hospital with her and stayed with her the whole time despite the face the was without make-up, in the hospital, and constantly whining because of the pain.  She said that was the day she fell in love with him.  Tim wouldn't tell us his 'I fell in love with Ginger' story, but he agreed that he just knew.  (Again with the knowing...)

Basically, our discussions proved fruitless. Are these are unanswerable questions?  Some things that we will never know, but get to experience the mystery of?  My round table will probably tackle these questions again some Friday night.  Something tells me instead of looking for answers, we just should hang on and enjoy the ride.

*Names have been changed

The internet is an interesting place.  We can find all kinds of information whether it is correct or misleading.  We can find missing relatives, old classmates and childhood friends.  We can keep up with family and friends, share pictures, share stories and send videos.  We can find a mate, a pet, a place to live or a job.  We can shop until we've maxed out our credit cards.  We can pay our bills, do our banking and make financial investments.  We can even work from home with the internet.  Overall, I consider the internet to be a good thing even though it can be an outlet for very bad and evil things in the wrong hands (child predators, stalkers, etc).  The thing I like best about the internet?  The fact that I can meet new people.

I've met several people over the years in my internet surfing.  I've met some weirdos.  I've met some truly wonderful people.  The thing that strikes me sometimes is how we (okay, I) can come to care about the people we've never even met.  I read people's blogs daily.  There are many times I find myself rooting for them or feeling so bad for them when something goes wrong.  Or when if something isn't right with the person, how I am concerned for their well being.  Over on my weight loss blog, I have been touched by how many people are cheering me on, offer suggestions, and truly seem concerned about how I am doing on my diet.  Yet I will never meet these people.  I talk to people every day on social networking sites and I must confess I love it.  Sometimes I think it would be neat to meet these people I interact with everyday, but sometimes the mystery is nice too.  I can truly be myself and voice my opinions because I know I will probably never meet these people.  I don't have to worry about if I say something is my boss going to think I'm an idiot.  (We all know there are times we have to tread carefully around certain people.)  I'm sure some of my internet buddies might think I am an idiot, but I'm okay with that.  I don't have to look you in the eye everyday which has a certain charm to it.  Besides, there are times I think you are a little nutty too.

Basically, I just want to say thanks to my internet friends.  I'm really glad we've 'met'.  You all have impacted my life somehow.  I hope you feel the same way too.

I love my friends.  I really do.  But sometimes, I just want to shake some sense into them!  I have three girlfriends that are my 'get together' group.  We are pretty close... more than acquaintances but not quite BFFs.  Anyway, all three of the girls are married.  I am the lone single, but who cares.  For the past year, we've been getting together on Monday nights to either go out or stay in and make fun of whatever is on TV.  When DWTS begins, we usually cycle between each other's houses to kick back and watch.  Until Meg* had a baby eight months ago.

I adore Meg.  She was a funny, independent, sarcastic, take no prisoners type woman.  Then she got pregnant and all that went to pot.  During her pregnancy, her personality began to change.  She became extremely maternal and prone to the strangest mood swings.  We (her husband included) all thought it was hormones and the first time baby jitters.  Then bitty baby came and it only got worse.  She has not left that baby in eight month.  I'm serious.  She will not leave the baby with anyone other than her husband.  (Not even with her own mother!)  She tries not to leave the baby with him for more than an hour.  I was shopping with her one day when the baby was about 5 months old... she nearly had a panic attack in the bathroom when she thought she was going to have to leave him with me in order to go to the bathroom.  Fortunately the handicapped stall opened so she could take the stroller in the stall with her.

I'm not sure what you'd classify her behavior as, but it is really affecting her.  She won't go out with the 'get together' group unless the baby can come.  Actually, she won't go anywhere if she can't take the baby.  We aren't doing Monday nights anymore because of the baby.  Well, we are meeting, hshe just doesn't go along anymore.  She and her husband haven't had alone time in eight months.  He even asked me what I though he should do.  I suggested the doctor, counseling, taking the baby from her, or getting her knocked up again so she'll be so busy she'll pray for a baby-sitter.  Of course, he pointed out that he'd have to get her alone to do that last suggestion and that just isn't happening.  I feel bad for him, bad for the baby, and bad for Meg.  I wish I knew what to do for her.

Having a baby really does change everything.  Sometimes not for the best though.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent (or not so innocent)