rantings of a single girl

A tiny rant:

I'm beginning to think this applies for match.com too.... le sigh.

Yes, I know I spelled 'you're' wong.  It should be 'your'.  Give me a break.  It was early Wednesday morning and the caffeine hadn't hit my brain yet.

That is all.  Kthxbai!

Update: eHarmony tweeted me today (after the 'Giant Twitter Crash') saying they were sorry I had such a bad experience, but thousands of people are matched with eHarmony everyday!  And if the email doesn't have '@eharmony.com' in the email address, then it isn't legit.  If I really wanted to, I could call customer service and have them delete my account.  I thought my account was already deleted.  Hilarious!

Well it happened.  Potential #1 finally asked me out.  We're going out tomorrow night.  I have date #4 with Mr. Enigmatic (okay, I like that name better) on Friday night.  I am also now talking to 2 other guys (in addition to Potential #1) on match.com.  Secretly, it makes part me feel a little happy.  All sexy and desirable, but that's between you and me.  The other part of me can't breathe.

I'm looking forward to both dates, but I'm a little worried.  As I've mentioned before, I'm not really good at dating more than one person at a time.  Honestly, I'm scared I'll like both guys, things will go well, then I'll have to make a choice.  How is that fair to either guy?

Okay, okay.  I know I'm counting my chickens before they hatch.  For all I know Potential #1 could be a freak.  Mr. Enigmatic could turn out to be a jerk.  Yet these are things that run through my head in the middle of the night when I can't sleep.  I know I should just breathe and see what happens.  That's what I'm going to do.  After I have my mini-freak out.

So I officially started my '30 Days of Dating' on Sunday, May 17th. This means I'm officially on Day 12. So far, I've had a little luck. Well, maybe more than a little luck.

I've had two successful dates with Mr. Quiet (or Mr. Enigmatic as some of you are calling him). We've got another date planned for Saturday night. While I'm still a little apprehensive about his closed mouth tendencies, I'm still willing see what happens. At least for a few more dates. I think I owe us both that.

I'm also in communication with two other gents on match.com who could turn out to be potentials. One of them is 37, which is a little outside my acceptable age bracket (25-35), but I'm trying to see what happens there. He certainly seems to know who he is and what he wants. I've picked up on that in e-mail communication... and I have to admit that would be a refreshing change of pace. The second guy seems like every other guy I've dated, but I did say I would communicate with all my matches.

Here is my slight hesitation (and I should have thought about this before hand), I imagine Potential #1 will be asking me out soon. Which would be nice, but I'm not sure what to say. I'm not the type to do multiple dating. I just can't handle it.

So do I wait to see what happens with Mr. Quiet? I can't really see Potential #1 patiently waiting. "Oh, sorry. You're a nice guy, but I need to see what happens with the guy who got to me first. Do you mind waiting?" Yeah.... So do I just call off this 30 Day deal? See if I can juggle two or three guys at the same time? How is that fair to any of us? What if Potential #1 turns out to be Jerk #1 and then things are also blown with Mr. Quiet? Maybe wait until my 3rd date with Mr. Quiet this weekend? Oh boy... I've got some thinking to do. And some breathing.

I was in such a crappy mood yesterday, that I seriously thought about canceling my date for tonight.  That would ruin my 30 days of dating plan though.  Does it still count if I reschedule?  Either way, I am going to stick with the plan.  I am going to somehow improve my attitude today and go out on my date tonight.  I have a cute new outfit that I found this weekend.  I'm having a good hair day.  So two pluses on my side.  (I like looking good for my dates.)

Anyway, I met this guy on match.com and he seems nice so far in his communication.  His profile leaves me wondering though... he doesn't share much.  I'm hoping he is just one of those people who are bad at writing online dating profiles instead of being someone who doesn't like to share things about themselves.  If the latter is the case, then we're going to have problems.  Not to mention a very boring date.  I've got my fingers crossed though.  Maybe tonight will be a smashing success.

match.com sent me this e-mail yesterday:

Oh, and here is the other half of the e-mail.  The guy that supposedly looked at my profile.

1. Some how I doubt this guy has been looking at my profile.  Although I kinda wish he had been.  He is kind of cute.
2. I've reactivated my profile, so I don't know why match.com is telling me to 'sign up today!'
3. Surely if 2545 people have viewed my profile, I'd have some dates.  At least I like to think so.  The alternative is there is a stalker guy on match.com who is obsessed with my profile.  I'd rather not think about that.

FYI, match.com: this is fail mail.

File #184239
Mr. Bartender

I met Mr. Bartender on eHarmony.  We did the whole 'guided communication' song and dance and finally got to open communication.  We had a lot of things in common.  The only thing I was concerned about was the fact that he lived 1.5 hours away from me.  He said he didn't mind and he would be glad to drive to where I live to meet me.  So we scheduled a dinner date.  We met, ate, talked, and really had a great time.  We kept the table occupied for about three hours.  We really clicked.

I was excited about the fact that I had met a nice guy that I really got along well with.  We planned a second date.  Again, it was a great date.  We ate.  We talked.  We laughed.  We had a genuinely good time.  I was really enjoying myself with this guy and was hopeful that good thing were to come.  Plus he was a really good kisser.  We planned a third date.  This time, I was going to go to his town.  While I didn't relish the 1.5 hour drive, I though if he's the right guy, it'll be worth it.  I never made the drive...

He called the next day and said he needed to reschedule because of work.  He was head (lead? I don't know what it's called) bartender for a pretty swanky restaurant.  Although he had a pretty flexible schedule, he did have to be available for dinner parties, wedding receptions, etc.  Anyway, I said no problem for rescheduling.  The only problem, our schedules were so different.  When I wasn't working, he was (nights and weekends).  When he wasn't working, I was.  He finally made the drive back over to me on a week night he was off.  I felt bad, but it is just the way things were working for us.  Again, we had a great time, but the distance problem was becoming an issue for both of us.  We talked on the phone a lot until one day, he told me his boss wanted him to go run the bar at his new restaurant.  The thing was, the new restaurant would put him 3 hours away.  Of course he took the offer and I wished him well.

It's a shame it turned out the way it did, because I really thought something good could have happened between us.  It was just a difference of distance, I guess.  Whatever lady snags Mr. Bartender, will be a lucky girl.

I took the leap and reactivated my online profile at match.com.  I really don't know if I am going to try another dating site or not.  eHarmony is out, just because I hate them.  I used Yahoo! Personals once.  I had a few decent dates off of there, so it might be worth it to try again.  I might try OKCupid, especially since they are free.  I don't know of any other dating sites that I am just dying to try out.  Living in the area that I do, I tend to find the same guys over and over on the same sites.  When you live in small town South, your pickings are slim.  Also, I don't think I want to get my profile on too many sites.  I'm really not looking to marathon date.  If I happen to find a guy who's profile interests me, then great.  If not, I'm not going to cry over it.

I'm just very 'whatever' about dating right now.   If I happen to get step up with, stumble upon, crash into, or meet a decent guy, then so be it.  I'm not not in crisis mode over meeting a guy right now.  I don't need a guy to be happy.  I don't need a guy to make my life complete.  I know some women (and men) who really and truly believe their life has no meaning or definition unless they have a significant other in their life.  For some reason, I just find this to be a sad way to live.  Then again, I've always been an independent person.

Since I'm an online dater, I've had my fair share of dates.  I've been out with guys of every type, shape, and size.  As far as my long term relationships go, they are few and far between.  That is okay though.  If I go through 20 first dates to get to one long term relationship, I'm okay with that.  (For the record I consider long term over 6 months.)  My problem is though, when I can't sleep (like last night), I lay in bed rehashing things from first dates to long term relationships.  I have no idea why I do that, but I do. 

Last night, I kept thinking about this guy I dated for about three months.  He was a nice guy.  He treated me well.  He was kind, a gentleman, honest (so I thought) and best of all, he made me laugh.  We met online through eHarmony.  After three months of dating, I decided I was more than ready to get my friends' opinions of him.  So one night I asked him if he would be comfortable going out and meeting my friends one night.  He said, "I wouldn't mind, but I think you're getting the wrong idea here."  This really wasn't the answer I was expecting.  The wrong idea?  He explained to me, that while he had a great time with me and really enjoyed my company, meeting my friends would mean that I would eventually want to meet his friends and then his mother.  I wasn't the kind of girl he would take home to his mother.  In other words, we weren't going any where.

Well needless to say, that was a news flash.  First, I couldn't figure out why we had been dating for three months if we weren't going any where.  If he had just been honest up front and said "I'm not looking for anything serious," I would have had the option to enjoy the ride or walk away.  Secondly, he said I wasn't the type of girl he would take home to his mother.  To this day, it still leaves me wondering what kind of girl he would take home to his mother because I am the kind of girl you take home to mother.  I do well with parents.  Parents love me.  As a matter of fact, I have several male friends' parents who would be in heaven if I would marry their son today or tomorrow or anytime. 

Trust me, your mom would love me too.

Have you ever seen the show on ABC called "What Would You Do?"  I've seen in advertised several times, but never watched it.  One of those, that looks good, but never watch it.  It's a show where they create scenarios or switcheroos with actors and actresses to see what people who do.  Last night, I saw they were going to tackle online dating: what would you do if the person you met didn't look like their profile picture?

First they switched out the guy for a much shorter, slightly different looking guy with less hair than the profile guy.  The first girl came off as a little ditsy to me, but she seemed nice enough.  She sat and talked to the actor and agreed to go out on a second date.  When the host came out and explained, she admitted that she lied and had planned not to answer his calls.  She didn't have an answer for why.  (Does anybody every?)  Girl number two again sat down and talked to the actor.  This time they sent the real guy out to sit opposite the girl.  She did a double take, but kept focus on the actor.  The actor excused himself.  The girl exchanged numbers with the real guy.  When the host came out she said she wasn't married so there was nothing wrong with it.  (Honestly, is there?)  Girl number three sat and talked, but you could tell it wasn't going anywhere.  They didn't even show a host reveal.  Girl number four didn't buy at all that the actor was the real guy.  She was freaking out.  The actor kept trying to convince her, but it only  made her panic more.  I really felt bad for her.  All in all, the girls seemed willing to either believe the actor was the real guy or just play along and never call him again.  Is that really the nice thing to do?  I'm torn.

Next they replaced the girl with a much taller, slightly heavier replacement.  (By the way, the bartender was in on this whole thing.)  Guy number one came in and sat down.  Fifteen minutes into the conversation, he bluntly told the actress the grossly misrepresented herself on her profile and he was done with the date.  Guy number two was angry.  I mean angry.  He walked out of the restaurant cussing out the camera crew.  Guy number three was caught peeping in the window.  He called the real girl who was in the back and the actress was on a phone in the front.  Once he saw her on the phone, he didn't go into the restaurant.  He later sent a text claiming family emergency.  Guy number four came in, struck up a conversation with the actress, and they looked like they were having a great time.  When she excused herself, he admitted to the bartender they met online, but didn't mention the difference.  The actress came back and they sent out the real girl.  He did a double take, but kept talking to the actress.  The host came out for the reveal.  He admitted he knew something wasn't right, but he was enjoying chatting with the actress.  He stayed and talked to the actress after the reveal.  (Maybe she found somebody in all this!)  Guy number five came in and chatted with the actress.  When she excused herself, he talked to the bartender and said he had met her online but she wasn't the same woman or something was different.  The bartender asked why he wasn't going to call her on it.  He said it just wouldn't be right.  Then they sent the real woman in apologizing for being late.  He was floored.  It was a little funny.  They got to chatting and the actress came back acting very huffy to find him with another woman.  Then the host came out.  (ABC sent them on a real date with no cameras.)  I'm really not sure what to make of the men's reactions.  I'm a little sadden to tell you the truth.  I appreciate the honesty of guy number one, but to just stand someone up?  That is low.

Something the fifth guy said really impressed me.  When asked why he stayed and talked to the actress even though he was pretty sure she wasn't the right girl.  He said, "Dating is about taking risks.  So you sit down and talk to the wrong girl.  What if she's not the wrong girl?"  Smart guy.

This has just been a really strange weekend.  This weekend had done nothing to help me understand how men think.  Nothing like getting a few blasts from the past to make you scratch your head.

BFTP #1:  About three years ago, I went out on a date with a guy I met online.  We went out to dinner.  Good food, good conversation, good physical attraction.  I was looking forawrd to the second date.  I went out with him again a week later, where he told me he had met another girl a few weeks before me.  He had been seeing her too and he wanted to see where things were going with her.  He apologized for misleading me (I didn't feel misled, but was glad he said something on the 2nd date).  I was a little disappointed, but that's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.  A few months after that, I got a call from him.  He said he made a big mistake and went with the wrong girl.  He was wondering if I would like to go out again sometime.  At that time, I was in a semi-serious relationship with Mark (before we discovered anything past friends with benefits just didn't work for us).  So I told him I was sorry, but I was seeing someone.  After that, I didn't hear from him for several months.  Then out of the blue on New Year's Eve a year ago, he calls.  He wanted to know if I wanted to make the 2.5 hours drive (he had moved) to hang with him for NYE.  I told him I was sorry, but I had plans.  He got all pissy about it.  I really didn't understand his reaction.  I hadn't talked to him in months and he just called out of the blue.  I haven't heard from him since that NYE night.  He called Friday night and left me a message.  He wants to get together.  I haven't returned his call.

BFTP #2:  About a year or so ago, I went out with another guy I had met online.  On paper and e-mail, he seemed like a really nice guy.  The only thing that was hanging me up was that he had a kid.  Now I have nothing against guys who are single with kids, but at the time, I wasn't entirely sure if I could date a guy with a child.  I told him this upfront and he said we would just see how it goes.  So we went out on a first date.  We had a great time.  We went out on a second date.  The more he told me about his daughter, the more I felt like I would be comfortable with the situation.  We went on a third date.  I was asking him about when he gets his daughter (weekends, etc).  He said that hadn't been determined yet.  I asked him what he meant by that, and he said the terms of the custody arrangement hadn't been defined yet.  I asked him why.  He started getting really nervous and said that he is separated, not divorced (like his profile said).  Apparently he and his wife were still living together until the divorce was processed.  Needless to say, I walked out on dinner.  I will not date a married man, pending divorce or not.  A few months later, I received an e-mail from him saying his divorce was complete and he wanted to see me again.  Thing is he sent the e-mail during a time I was extremely busy and wrapped up in some big family problems.  When he didn't get a reply after 5 days, he sent me another e-mail.  This one was rather nasty.  I never replied.  Imagine my surprise this morning when I had another e-mail message.  He is wanting to get together.  I haven't replied.

I really don't understand men.  I can see why guy #1 might think he had a chance to go out again, but guy #2?  I made it very, very clear on that third date that I had no desire to see him again.  That I did not appreciate being misled.  Then when he didn't get his reply, he sent me a nasty-gram.  Does he really think that helped his case?  Frankly, I don't want to go out with guy #1 again.  He just seems to call me when he doesn't want to be alone.